In a healthy intimate relationship ideally there are two separate individuals, both of whom need space for themselves, sensitivity to their feelings and support for their interests and goals. Affection, sexual responsiveness and warmth may also be among the primary expectations. There is nothing negative in wanting all this from a partner.
What is required however, to really make your relationship successful, is to consider your partner’s needs at the same time. What this means is that you need to develop the capacity to give to your partner as well as receive from your partner. In our world of liberated individuals, personal needs often seem more pressing and important. But, to be a successful couple in a mutually satisfying relationship we have to go beyond just thinking about ourselves.
There is a need for balance in a couple’s relationship. If you focus only on your personal needs, the other person is left out. Not much intimacy or shared experience takes place. But, if you focus solely on the other person’s needs, than your self-needs are neglected and you can become unhappy or resentful. The couple’s relationship can become parched where warmth, mutuality and sharing are minimal. You or your partner may get something’s for yourselves but you won’t be in a truly rich and satisfying couples relationship.
How Marriage Counseling Can Benefit Your Relationship
The couple’s relationship needs time, attention, respect and love. It does not mean ignoring your personal needs, but including the other in your thoughts, consideration, and time spent. It does not do away with independence or personal needs. It is in addition to those needs. We couple with others because it is a basic human need. In order to do so in an optimal way, we need to balance our individual needs with the needs of the other and the needs of a couple. We need to feel fulfilled as an individual and with our partner. Your life will feel so much more satisfying when you accomplish both. Couples and Marriage counseling can help you balance both your own personal needs, and those of your partner to create a relationship that is mutually satisfying.
Marriage Counseling Upper West Side, UWS
I’m Rosaleen Horn, a Licensed Psychoanalyst in NYC. I have been providing individual therapy, couples counseling, counseling for children, adolescents and adults, parent support and guidance, and therapy for those who are in later life stages for over 25 years. My practice is located on the Upper West Side (UWS) in NYC. Please reach out so I may introduce myself, my work, and how we can move forward together.