Sometimes we have difficulty in satisfyingly connecting with
others.
When we are with another we may feel we are not getting what we need.
Human beings, like all mammals, are a social species. Relationships are part of our DNA. When they go well, we know it. However, at times, we can be in relationships and not feel comfortable or satisfied or we can be very independent of relationships as a way of avoiding relationship difficulties.
When we are with another or our special other, we may feel we are not getting what we need. It is not clear if that is because we are unable to ask, or even know what we need, or something in us is unable to be satisfied. We may be repeating a reaction to an early in life relationship that we just can’t get over. Sometimes we are afraid we are not good enough or interesting enough or even worthy of our partner. When this happens, we often feel lonely, even if we are loved and admired.
Sometimes we avoid close relationships altogether because connecting feels so elusive or challenging. Becoming an independent person is an achievement. But, sometimes we maintain that capacity as a defense, because independence may cover over a difficulty connecting with others in a deep or genuine way. This can lead to a life that may be weighted in the direction of work satisfactions, because there, we are able to feel more fulfilled. We know we are respected for what we do, but without our achievements, we don’t feel very desirable. We speak with others about the events of our life, but are afraid to share our deeper feelings.
Not only can we have difficulty in satisfyingly connecting with others, we can also have a difficult time connecting with our own real feelings. We become unclear what it is we really want when we tune into others needs alone. We may be more comfortable attending to their wants but then are not able to feel our own passions and desires, or we mute them as a compromise. Sometimes a relationship starts out fine and gradually we lose our sexual desire for the other. Sometimes we keep picking the wrong people.
EXPERT HELP THAT TRANSFORMS YOUR RELATIONSHIPS
Within an atmosphere of trust and safety I encourage you to share your feelings and thoughts about yourself and your relationships. I also want to know how you feel about what we do together. This is so that our relationship can become a laboratory, a stage on which many of the difficult feelings towards yourself and others get examined and understood and worked through.
In your relationship with me as your therapist, the most important roadblocks, inhibitions, insecurities and dissatisfactions will get played out. It is as if there is a “play within a play.” We are working together and collaborating on your journey. This is called our “working alliance”.
I also will offer support and guidance when you are testing out unchartered territories or when decision making is charged with enough anxiety that you can not provide the clearest of thinking for yourself. In my many years of clinical practice, I have learned much about how people are able to learn and grow to overcome obstacles in their inner and outer life. Once the knots in your inner life are unwound, your outer life can become fuller, more satisfying. You will feel more open, less afraid, freer, more passionate, more authentic, and more connected. Join me, in this exciting journey.