Taking Care of Yourself Will Improve your Relationship
We often speak about how we may not feel fulfilled in our relationships. This could be because we don’t realize how important it is to provide for ourselves and not only just for the other person. Our partner may feel his/her needs are all important and then we adapt by making our wants and needs less important.
If you are someone who is inclined to want to please your significant other and you go out of your way to accommodate him or her, some part of you will feel calm and safe perhaps, but you may not feel satisfied. Eventually this will lead to frustration or resentment or even a sense of despair;” Where is this relationship going? Where am I in all this?”
This giving over to the other person is not the same as collaborating and sharing. It is a misunderstanding of what it means to partner with someone. Of course, in a healthy relationship, you want to consider your partner’s feelings. That is a foundation for healthy relationship. But you don’t want to leave yourself out of the equation.
The difficulty in reversing this tendency probably has a long history. An examination of your primary relationships may reveal that historically, as a child, the best way for you to feel safe and comfortable with others has always been to anticipate the needs of your parents and others and then try to not interfere with those needs. Over time, accommodation to someone else’s needs as a way to feel loved and accepted has become an established pattern. You may not even be aware of an alternative way to relate or if you are aware, you don’t know how to make it happen.
Marriage Counseling will Help You Meet Your Needs
In a marriage counseling format, I work with both partners together to address the underlying source of the difficulties that both of you may have and I also suggest new patterns of relating as well. I help you address the main roadblocks to these new, more satisfying and healthy forms of relating. As the work progresses, you become more aware of what you want and how to achieve it. Old patterns that do not work will be addressed and modified.
As issues arise because you want things to be different, your partner may find this challenging. That too will require attention and work. Marriage counseling creates a dynamic process for potential change. The goal is always for both partners to feel satisfied and nourished in the relationship with an openness and flexibility towards one another. This foundation creates the potential for a strong, healthy and more loving relationship. Marriage counseling can also reveal whether or not such change is possible.
Marriage Counseling Upper West Side NYC
I’m Rosaleen Horn, a Licensed Psychoanalyst in NYC. I have been providing individual therapy, couples and marriage counseling, counseling for children, adolescents, parent support and guidance, and therapy for those who are in later life stages for over 25 years. My practice is located on the Upper West Side (UWS) in NYC. Please reach out so I may introduce myself, my work, and how we can move forward together.